6 replies to this topic

[brokenportal]

I guess I havent posted these lyrics yet, these are a set of lyrics Im considering to pay a band I know to put to a tune. Any comments? I have three sets of lyrics Im considering. You can see them all in a row in my myspace page at myspace.com/uneed2balifeextensionist
They are in a blue scroll box on the right side of the page.



HOW MUCH EXISTENCE?


How much existence are you working to quench, as we ride the flow, and the tide rolls toward the shore to create a fate for our souls as obliterated holes in this place we came to face, but will soon be in no more? How much time, do you work to put the reigns on? Its insane all the days gone, didnt even feel them slip away, and now their flowing in the waters of the past as times race on. Time slowly comes to be, more and more of a war, a battle against those dreams ever slipping, an urgency, grave yard insurgency, time bomb tipping, into your tomb, boom, this is an emergency. May day, may day, the front lines are calling, its a blood bath, slaughter, the troops need water, and powder, they cant cry any louder, their falling, its appalling, dreams dead in their shells, live dreams, and I scream, for an uprising, for mercy, hear me, hurry, the horizons getting blurry. A massacre, its not soft, its harsh, like a comrade, half his face and arms blown off bleeding in the marsh. The same as my friend Leonard, dying of cancer, its time we push the front line and answer, answer the call, the more we stall, the more people fall, into the pits of despair, where a fiery flare of merciless hell, envelopes your mind and rips it from your shell, and none live to tell, of this bottomless well their hearts recede from earth in, that they bleed the gifts of birth in. Tragic waste, minds erased, from a place so grand and endless, who wants to end this? Grand symphony of splendor, diverse, and dispersed, a sea of a million weathers, a billion storms to ride, infinite states of bliss with in which to reside, I'd sail my fate into the end of time itself, If I could have that wealth, if I could see that path for me, come into fruition, I'd make the end of time my mission, and hope the winds of time dont take me or break my will, and as I mount that hill, Ill see what I can see, vast and endless, profound and boundless, of graces perpetual and countless, exploding cascading showers, and powers and places and hours and races and towers and faces and rotundas of cases flooding this infinite existence oasis, I count my graces, and I want to stay here and see, in this grand gracious spacious sea of incredible mystery.

[brokenportal]

I posted this late last night so Im bumping it to see if I can get some feedback on it today. Anything?

[Ghostrider]

I dunno, the idea sounds too much like church hymns to me.

[zoolander]

Structure it into verses, chorus and bridge

Whilst there are traditional ways to do this there is no need to stick to the traditinal method

Traditionally:
verse 1
Verse 2
pre-chorus
Chorus 1
Verse 3
verse 4
pre-chorus
Chorus 2
(verse 5)
Bridge
Chorus to fade out

The best way to set up this type of structure though is in a jam

You put your verses together. The verses tell the story of course. verse 1 is generally the intro and verse 2-5 extend on this. Develop a strong chorus that drives the message home. It's really important to have a catchy hook in the chorus and not just a set of lyrics.

Remember that there is huge difference between writing in general when compared to writing the lyrics to a song. The most sucessful song lyrics are easy to listen to and take the lister to a place that they can related to. Music is all about connecting to something. We've all got our favour songs to sooth/set the mood/draw out emotions.

Now when it comes to writing the melody....well that's a different story. You can either use common chord progressions or do you best to tap into your creative side. The mody and song structure usually come out when your jamming. From there it's just a matter of putting the lyrics to the tune.

NOTE: I haven't done any reading about this sort of stuff and do not have any formal qualifacations. The above is just from my experiance as a vocalist

Brokenportal, if you get a group of musicans to put a tune together I would be happy to do the vocals. That's if you need them of course

[zoolander]

by the way.....a song about existance and questioning lends extremely well to either punk or death metal. I like the punk side.

[brokenportal]

Ghost rider, Church hymns? Why? I thought that it could adapt to the sound of just about anything, rap, blue grass, country, metal, rock, alternative, etc...



Zoolander,

Punk or death metal, maybe, but It would work best for the cause if it appealed to the masses. I was thinking more along the lines of alternative. But anything that works, works I guess right?

As far as structure, I know what you mean. Could you help me bust it up into lines and add a chorus? Either from existing words or from new words. If we had enough people, like 10 or more thinking about this topic Ide say we should hold a contest and a vote to see who we think can arrange the lyrics with the best chorus line.


Some of my lyrics do have better chorus lines. Please, it would really mean a really lot to me if you would give me a half a thought of feedback on my other lyrics. They can be found in this forum, they may be buried, or you can see them for sure on my myspace at myspace.com/uneed2balifeextensionist There is a scroll box on the right hand side of the page in blue letters that has 3 or 4 sets of lyrics for life extension in it. (Hopefully for life extension. They are only going to get done if I get some, any sort of support/affirmation of them..)

[brokenportal]

I have a few set of lyrics, and I really like how they sum different parts of this cause up. I find myself referencing them pretty often. Sometimes its hard to find words that really convey what we are getting at, what we are all about, but I mean, like in these lyrics, theres, "grand, gracious, spacious sea, of incredible mystery." I reference that alot, and right now Im here to quote a peice that takes that phrase and goes in to more details,

"vast and endless, profound and boundless, of graces perpetual and countless, exploding cascading showers, and powers and places and hours and races and towers and faces and rotundas of cases flooding this infinite existence oasis,"

Man, that is why I do this, Im not sure, but I think that may be about how I would sum the reason for this all up.