23 replies to this topic

[Yearningforyears]

From now on I will be a yes-man, and I have a message to you all. (a giant rant with a message)
I have become sane and insane at the same time. It all began with the aniracetam and since then things have accellerated. Someone please call tori spelling if they feel offended by the not so very accurate or appropriate use of sentences and words in this verse.
The cocoa and rhodiola took things even further. Adding piracetam to the mix... well that was kind of interesting
Why settle with less? Become a yes-man become a (or the if you prefer) Djahnman.
Couple of weeks ago i got adventurous. Began taking dmae and gotu kola (brahmi bacopa).
So here´s the news folks. I am cured. The end. Happy ever after. no problems. no musts. no more lies. no need to prove crap. (although i would not really care if the occasional lie happened to slip out).

Cured. The end.Cured. The beginning. The djahnman
I have nothing to prove here. My mission is not from god. Just call him The Djahnman if you like.

History of use (yes i have been using kratom, but suspect it´s dangerous if done too habitually)

Aniracetam: Mental ice beginning to melt. Revelation but not complete release from demons and imagined cameras.
Piracetam: I am djahn? Well... better thinking at least. that´s better than nothing. Anxious and restless still. More aware of my insanity but more capable and productive nonetheless.
Cocoa and rhodiola: now things are starting to become interesting. Am I back or have I even been here ever?
DMAE and bacopa: MY GOD! MY DJAHN (pardon the heresy). Folks... the cure is found. it´s here!
Was at the train station yesterday and realized that I was in the matrix (the good one no 1). Psychosis?
possible? maybe... if insanity feels this good please let me be insane for the rest of my life.
And yeah my spelling and expressive talent sucks old womans ass, but my country of my familys copulative choice is sweden. Can´t help it and don´t care. If you have something worthwile to tell, then why not do it apestyle or like birds with the dreaded flu? A great message always proliferates even if the messagers seem retarded, or his audience has perceptory difficulties.


Buyer beware!:Drugs are great but if you are sick (like I clearly have been for my entire life), then it will only mask the symptoms of your insanity and not adress the root problem. This is a church. Me my master and apprentice. I am Djahn now and religion can be a beautiful thing. God is found and that dude is all around. He just wanted me to find him a plant (or whatever it was that made him come out of the mist).
god bless god bless god bless i love you all. thanks for this sweet little page.
take care people.
the end. the beginning.

[Lurker]

Just out of curiosity, what do you think the nootopics you've listed cured?

[Yearningforyears]

OCD (I don´t want to talk to you but I must because you hate me. So now I am defending myself. I do in fact hate you, but at the same time i am forced to constantly smile and hide it. Otherwise I can´t make you like me which, I, deep inside don´t want to happen. I don´t deserve your love. I am not really here and only heart ache will follow if you come too close.
Then things start going crazy. My mind tries to tell me to hurt physically or mentally the people I am talking to. Naturally this goes against my belief. I don´t want bad things to happen to other people, but do have some special ability "accomplish" it, which of course is a false belief. As a response anxiety comes because fear of self is created by these strange inappropriate thoughts.
I become submissive and bizarre as a result of this anxiety in order to cool things down, and make people not take me seriously. Then it´s not really me that they don´t take seriously anyway. And if they should happen to like me... Well... then just spread more decoys until they don´t. Great solution to the problem!!! Thanks a lot brain! you´re a friggin genious...

Social phobia (the hardest part. can´t describe it. threats are everywhere. everybody hates me and i hate everybody because i believe them and hate myself, so why not blame these feelings of worthlessness on everybody else?)

Depression (well... we all think we know but anyway it´s no themepark)

Bipolar disorder (selfe defence mechanism of some sorts? always depressed can´t be good so the brain tries to lie and mimic happiness in order to justify existence for self. Generic euphoria. not real.)

Attention deficit disorder (perhaps I could´nt pay attention because of my depression who knows. i am not an expert, just educated on might be true-wikipedia knowledge)
Hypochondria

I am not kidding around here. This is a miracle. I am happy. I smile. I want to love. I deserve love. I want to share the love. I can love! : )

[Lurker]

OCD (I don´t want to talk to you but I must because you hate me. So now I am defending myself. I do in fact hate you, but at the same time i am forced to constantly smile and hide it. Otherwise I can´t make you like me which, I, deep inside don´t want to happen. I don´t deserve your love. I am not really here and only heart ache will follow if you come too close.
Then things start going crazy. My mind tries to tell me to hurt physically or mentally the people I am talking to. Naturally this goes against my belief. I don´t want bad things to happen to other people, but do have some special ability "accomplish" it, which of course is a false belief. As a response anxiety comes because fear of self is created by these strange inappropriate thoughts.
I become submissive and bizarre as a result of this anxiety in order to cool things down, and make people not take me seriously. Then it´s not really me that they don´t take seriously anyway. And if they should happen to like me... Well... then just spread more decoys until they don´t. Great solution to the problem!!! Thanks a lot brain! you´re a friggin genious...

Social phobia (the hardest part. can´t describe it. threats are everywhere. everybody hates me and i hate everybody because i believe them and hate myself, so why not blame these feelings of worthlessness on everybody else?)

Depression (well... we all think we know but anyway it´s no themepark)

Bipolar disorder (selfe defence mechanism of some sorts? always depressed can´t be good so the brain tries to lie and mimic happiness in order to justify existence for self. Generic euphoria. not real.)

Attention deficit disorder (perhaps I could´nt pay attention because of my depression who knows. i am not an expert, just educated on might be true-wikipedia knowledge)
Hypochondria

I am not kidding around here. This is a miracle. I am happy. I smile. I want to love. I deserve love. I want to share the love. I can love! : )

Have you been able to sleep at all, lately?

[Yearningforyears]

I see what you are doing here. And it is troubling me. Perhaps this could be a full blown manic episode. It is possible.
Just to prove you wrong I am going to bed now =)
gonna have some sleep. 6-7 hours I´ve had. Mania... A good thing I guess
Good night. Take care. dammit... this could be mania. Should I be concerned or just enjoy. nah...
Extremely energetic but with a whole new psychosis-like twist. very nice. this is the manic djahnman I guess.

but then again. I might be wrong. Perhaps you just wanted to know what my sleeping habits look like. Never been better actually... Late night here now. 3 pm so... its time. very tired yet wired up. so... gniiiiiite and take care

[Lurker]

Well, if you're already seeing a doctor for the above disorders you've listed, you should consider telling him the nootropics regemine you've listed, espcially if you've noticed aborminalities in normal behavior.

All recommendations from this forum for supplement intake should be considered with caution. Readers are encouraged to seek advice from a competent medical professional regarding the applicability of any recommendation with regard to any symptom or condition.

[nightlight]

It all began with the aniracetam and since then things have accellerated. Someone please call tori spelling if they feel offended by the not so very accurate or appropriate use of sentences and words in this verse. ....
The cocoa and rhodiola took things even further. Adding piracetam to the mix... well that was kind of interesting
Why settle with less? ... Began taking dmae and gotu kola (brahmi bacopa).

Can you provide some more details on your recipe for happiness (quantities, times of day you take them and duration of the course).

[abelard lindsay]

I had a pretty big transformation from taking Piracetam too. I had some mild depression from time to time, nothing approaching what Nicholas is going through though. Anyway, Let me explain: cognitive-behavioral therapy says you're supposed to interrupt negative thought patterns before they get going. Problem I had applying that was that I had the same thought patterns come up again and again and I had to dedicate a lot of my internal dialog to interrupting these thought patterns. Piracetam made that process far easier, I felt much more in control of my thoughts, like someone had turned the squelch knob up on my internal dialog ("self-talk" in congnitive-behavioral parlance) so only the important thoughts could get started. I eventually forgot my negative thought patterns and it was quite a liberating experience. Even though I don't take Piracetam often these days I'm still better off because I forgot all my previous negative thought patterns that were jogging through my mind all the time previously.

Edited by abelard lindsay, 07 April 2008 - 05:43 AM.

[FunkOdyssey]

Can you provide some more details on your recipe for happiness (quantities, times of day you take them and duration of the course).

You don't seriously want to replicate his results do you?

[Lurker]

What is worriesome about this case, is that OP has mentioned bi-polar disorder above. Anti-Depressents have been know to trigger Maniac episodes (which very much fit the OP's initial description of what he was feeling).

Bacopa, one of the last supplements listed above in his regimen, is still a substance that needs study, and has been shown to have "anti-depressent" effects.

Anti-Depressents have a very documented history of inducing Maniac episodes.


Hopefully, all is well with the OP.

[Yearningforyears]

Hello again.
A little more relaxed today but it takes some effort to "control" it. I can´t feel anxiety anymore. It´s all gone. Nothing. Just happy (and content).
total peace, quiet and a new, improved, world view.
So yeah... the first post was a bit, what should we say, confused?
Imagine that you one day realize that everything was in your head. All this paranoia, not being able to communicate, pieces that don´t fit together etc etc... gone.
Reborn... Back into the comfortable and good reality. Somehow... It feels like this is the real one. think so... sure do hope so anyway. calm and connection with self
versus surroundings. A rather extreme personality change has taken place. Everything is in balance, but of course concern still remains that it could all be mania.
Full blown mania and awareness of it by the sufferer, is that not quite rare though?

Here it is! The cure

***Niklas recipe against insanity, or something else that feels not so good. Try it at your own risk***

Piracetam, rhodiola, cocoa powder. No drugs (except the socially accepted one called beer on some weekends). Really hard to know what does what of the listed ingredients. Maybe piracetam isn´t even necessary. Even better if that´s the case. Do it as natural as possible. I like that idea.

2 tablets rhodiola per day
2 table spoons cocoa powder twice daily (at least). Reasons for starting this was to get better overall skin health and strengthen the CV-system, lower cholesterol and boost general health. Got a nice extra ;D
Piracetam: Tricky one. Use goes way back to june 2006. Twice daily 4-5 grams something. (tricky in that regard if effects solely are due to long-term piracetam treatment)

Bacopa and that dmae. Feels like they made me a lot more intelligent (anxiety kills intelligence) and able to, as previous poster wrote, re-wire my thinking, "see" and focus.
This absurd change happened in one week after starting bacopa (one strong cup tea every evening) plus DMAE (one capsule per day).

Be careful. Think about the risks of anti-depressants when starting. Risks are I might even have killed myself out of terror, when the "matrix" crashed in this friday. After all, some people do go loco when on antidepressants. Anyway, someone just, all of a sudden, pulled up the curtain that has been shielding true calm, happiness, understanding (i can go on here) for... ten years at least. No more social phobia either. That was the worst part. The total disconnection from the feelings of true mutual dialogue between the most important thing in our lives. Human contact.
Will stop dmae and bacopa for a while, in order to see if things go back to normal. If they do... Well... :D
Thanks for reading. Take care.

[dr_chaos]

Nicholas you are at least on your way to mania right now.

Full blown mania and awareness of it by the sufferer, is that not quite rare though?

No its not. Some people notice the change of their affectivity and some don't. Only the sufferers of mania who slip directly into delusions are unable to understand what happens to them.

***Niklas recipe against insanity, or something else that feels not so good. Try it at your own risk***

think again. does any of this supplements cause the same reaction you describe in normal people? no. so go to your psychiatrist.

[Lurker]

Hello again.
A little more relaxed today but it takes some effort to "control" it. I can´t feel anxiety anymore. It´s all gone. Nothing. Just happy (and content).
total peace, quiet and a new, improved, world view.
So yeah... the first post was a bit, what should we say, confused?
Imagine that you one day realize that everything was in your head. All this paranoia, not being able to communicate, pieces that don´t fit together etc etc... gone.
Reborn... Back into the comfortable and good reality. Somehow... It feels like this is the real one. think so... sure do hope so anyway. calm and connection with self
versus surroundings. A rather extreme personality change has taken place. Everything is in balance, but of course concern still remains that it could all be mania.
Full blown mania and awareness of it by the sufferer, is that not quite rare though?

Here it is! The cure

***Niklas recipe against insanity, or something else that feels not so good. Try it at your own risk***

Piracetam, rhodiola, cocoa powder. No drugs (except the socially accepted one called beer on some weekends). Really hard to know what does what of the listed ingredients. Maybe piracetam isn´t even necessary. Even better if that´s the case. Do it as natural as possible. I like that idea.

2 tablets rhodiola per day
2 table spoons cocoa powder twice daily (at least). Reasons for starting this was to get better overall skin health and strengthen the CV-system, lower cholesterol and boost general health. Got a nice extra ;D
Piracetam: Tricky one. Use goes way back to june 2006. Twice daily 4-5 grams something. (tricky in that regard if effects solely are due to long-term piracetam treatment)

Bacopa and that dmae. Feels like they made me a lot more intelligent (anxiety kills intelligence) and able to, as previous poster wrote, re-wire my thinking, "see" and focus.
This absurd change happened in one week after starting bacopa (one strong cup tea every evening) plus DMAE (one capsule per day).

Be careful. Think about the risks of anti-depressants when starting. Risks are I might even have killed myself out of terror, when the "matrix" crashed in this friday. After all, some people do go loco when on antidepressants. Anyway, someone just, all of a sudden, pulled up the curtain that has been shielding true calm, happiness, understanding (i can go on here) for... ten years at least. No more social phobia either. That was the worst part. The total disconnection from the feelings of true mutual dialogue between the most important thing in our lives. Human contact.
Will stop dmae and bacopa for a while, in order to see if things go back to normal. If they do... Well... :D
Thanks for reading. Take care.

Mania does not equal insanity. If you are bi-polar like you have stated, it is the opposite pole of depression, and very much prefered. There are plenty of bi-polar celebrities that are able to function normal and successful lives. You should see a doctor as soon as possible if you aren't sleeping, because sleep-deprived psychosis and schitzofrenia from mania will lead to "insanity."

edit: It's possible you are experiencing Hypomania

Edited by Lurker, 08 April 2008 - 12:23 PM.

[Yearningforyears]

I thank you all for the advice and support. Things are starting to become almost at known baselevel (normal mood), but I don´t see the problem actually.
Perhaps it went a bit too far this friday, but the revelation of my true and tender self made me confused, happy and scared the shit out of me. All at once.
I remembered my true self. My life long depression is hasta la vista and, tell me, who wouldn´t find that kind of event a bit uncomfortable?

Theory and rant: The media wants us to to want to become the multimedia gods, whose holyness is a fraud (with holyness i mean adoration of course). These icons recieve a lot of affirmation which all humans need to feel love and to be able to love. We then strive to look and behave like these icons, in order to get all this. For some people it happens (reaching the fantasy, even if it might not be what they were looking for) for others it doesnt. Some people can handle the initial disappointment of that realization and others can not. They become empty searchers, insane or give up all together (or maybe th()ey were empty and more vulnerable than the casual person to begin with).
Man... Now I "give up". It´s all too complex, so better not care.

What I tried to explain is: All pieces of society "wants" to be a unit, that must be symmetrical in terms of looks, opionions etc. (we are the society and there is no conspiracy).
Sure it´s for a good cause I think, because our society is like a beehive. What would happen if everyone would stray their own paths and not give a damn? Nobody would feed the queen and it would all be downhill from there. Humans are animals, who thrive in packs, but we are becoming isolated (yet we think we are part of it all, when in fact we´re more alone than ever).

summary of feelings: a better world understanding, very much improved conversational skills, human liking, no anxiety and not this "top of the world" (arrogant fools mania), but rather in it. Interacting... Sharing.... Communication works and... nah... as mentioned before. I don´t even care to sit down here and explain all this. It is a miracle. I am cured. That´s all you need to know. (cigarettes have also provided a somewhat similar experience for about 1-2 minutes of every smoking session. See, i gave it all away. Do you believe me now, from what you´ve read on wikipedia;) Some would call that sentence a proof of arrogance. I call it a sense of humor.
Could be the weather. Yeah... Let´s just say it was the sunny weather that did all this.
I hope you all find what you are looking for, and if not, give meditation a go.
Ok. Enough of these guru-like rants. There is nothing more to say. Thanks for reading and caring. Just thought you´d find this story interesting =)

[abelard lindsay]

I thank you all for the advice and support. Things are starting to become almost at known baselevel (normal mood), but I don´t see the problem actually.
Perhaps it went a bit too far this friday, but the revelation of my true and tender self made me confused, happy and scared the shit out of me. All at once.
I remembered my true self. My life long depression is hasta la vista and, tell me, who wouldn´t find that kind of event a bit uncomfortable?

Theory and rant: The media wants us to to want to become the multimedia gods, whose holyness is a fraud (with holyness i mean adoration of course). These icons recieve a lot of affirmation which all humans need to feel love and to be able to love. We then strive to look and behave like these icons, in order to get all this. For some people it happens (reaching the fantasy, even if it might not be what they were looking for) for others it doesnt. Some people can handle the initial disappointment of that realization and others can not. They become empty searchers, insane or give up all together (or maybe th()ey were empty and more vulnerable than the casual person to begin with).
Man... Now I "give up". It´s all too complex, so better not care.

What I tried to explain is: All pieces of society "wants" to be a unit, that must be symmetrical in terms of looks, opionions etc. (we are the society and there is no conspiracy).
Sure it´s for a good cause I think, because our society is like a beehive. What would happen if everyone would stray their own paths and not give a damn? Nobody would feed the queen and it would all be downhill from there. Humans are animals, who thrive in packs, but we are becoming isolated (yet we think we are part of it all, when in fact we´re more alone than ever).

summary of feelings: a better world understanding, very much improved conversational skills, human liking, no anxiety and not this "top of the world" (arrogant fools mania), but rather in it. Interacting... Sharing.... Communication works and... nah... as mentioned before. I don´t even care to sit down here and explain all this. It is a miracle. I am cured. That´s all you need to know. (cigarettes have also provided a somewhat similar experience for about 1-2 minutes of every smoking session. See, i gave it all away. Do you believe me now, from what you´ve read on wikipedia;) Some would call that sentence a proof of arrogance. I call it a sense of humor.
Could be the weather. Yeah... Let´s just say it was the sunny weather that did all this.
I hope you all find what you are looking for, and if not, give meditation a go.
Ok. Enough of these guru-like rants. There is nothing more to say. Thanks for reading and caring. Just thought you´d find this story interesting =)

Sounds like excessive dopamine... . No really... When my dopamine gets going I come up with all kinds of "creative" stuff... You need to work on your gaba a bit now... It will calm you down and focus your brain. Take some gaba with the piracetam. They work pretty well together for moderating dopamine and increasing gaba IMHO. Also go buy "The Edge Effect" and read some of my threads on imminst about using it. You might to get a handle on how your brain chemistry is sloshing around from day to day and how to manage it better, as I did.

[Yearningforyears]

thank you abelard. I will consider buying this. Looks very interesting.

[Yearningforyears]

Oh and one more thing... Where do you buy your piracetam? Got this sense of rational paranoia this evening, when opening the piracetam canister. It smelled considerably more different than that of the previously used piracetam (same manufacturer). I mean... Eating one kilogram of piracetam or one kilogram of what could be poison, is not something that makes me feel relaxed. If they use the same manufacturing standards, then their products should feel and smell the same don´t you think? So if it´s not entirely the same to the eyes and nose, it could also be contaminated... Looks like the drain water in my hometown is going to be a real smart drink real soon.

[mentatpsi]

hey i don't want to call your experience into question, nor tell you it is inaccurate... but i recommend you stop the DMAE (if you find the effects to be negative)... see how that works... DMAE has been known to assist in certain thought forms, not all of them are good... hence why i say this. If you do decide to stop it, be certain in the action since going on and off it will destroy its effects (or at least it did for me).

Do also examine with objective measurements whether or not your cognitive abilities have increased...

Edited by mysticpsi, 09 April 2008 - 06:10 AM.

[abelard lindsay]

Oh and one more thing... Where do you buy your piracetam? Got this sense of rational paranoia this evening, when opening the piracetam canister. It smelled considerably more different than that of the previously used piracetam (same manufacturer). I mean... Eating one kilogram of piracetam or one kilogram of what could be poison, is not something that makes me feel relaxed. If they use the same manufacturing standards, then their products should feel and smell the same don´t you think? So if it´s not entirely the same to the eyes and nose, it could also be contaminated... Looks like the drain water in my hometown is going to be a real smart drink real soon.

Bulk Nutrition is a pretty good source. If you want to pay more and have it capped you can get it from Relentless Improvement. BTW, Piracetam does not taste good. I would say it tastes a little bit like mild soap. It is normally a white powder that clumps easily in the presence of humidity.

Being a bit of a recovering paranoid myself. A good way to deal with paranoia is to do this with a paranoid thought: "What is a one-level less paranoid version of what I am currently thinking?".
So for instance if you thought something like :

"I can't find my car keys, maybe somebody broke into my house and stole them!"

downgrade it one level of paranoia to

"I can't find my car keys, maybe I left them in a really hard to find place and it's going to take me all night to find them".

The second thought is still a little bit paranoid but it's one level lower on the paranoia scale than the previous thought. Once you get used to doing this, it will come naturally and help keep paranoid thoughts from getting out of hand.

[Yearningforyears]

Phew! Guess it´s powder time then.
Funny thing with all this paranoia. Just like you wrote about how to self conciously minimize paranoid thougts, this is something that I have done as soon as something starts feeling a bit fishy in the perceptory department.
Was he looking at meee? yeah... I guess he was, but I just looked at him didn´t I? So what... Looks like a cool dude.
Every way of accomplishing more rational thinking is vital to recovery (and to sustain it). Paranoia just ain´t no good, so there it goes =)

[kiriel]

Hi Nicholas. What you described is certainly on the manic end of the 1-dimensional descriptive tool called depressed-stimulated scale. But that is completely okay! You say that you have been on the other end of the scale for over 10 years, that is not okay imo, as that is not as life affirming as the other.

Now you are experiencing all this stuff you enjoy, you are very stimulated! That is how children are, because they have not made up this thing called self-image, that comes with experience, which can be both positive and negative. Negative as we start to define ourselves by our past, and positive if that past has been life affirming and by chance made us not get stuck in our past definition of ourselves. That is how we can be when we feel we accept (thanks to psycho-therapy or chemicals; they can both have the same effects) that our old self-image is no more real than all the more life affirming possible self-images we can create for ourselves, and realizing that we can define ourselves however we feel like, and that no definition is more real than any other, we can change our definition of who we are and what we can be whenever we feel like it, and this self-image, our definition of who we are has real consequences to the quality of our life, and what is and is not happening in it. It affects our decision making, and our decisions results in real effects that feed back on ourselves. If you keep on doing as you have been doing in the past, then you should not expect experiencing anything else than the same as you have experiencing in the past.

I think part of your 'awakening' is thanks part to the stimulants: Piracetam, Caffeine, Theobromine, Nicotine etc.

The definition of a depressed state, is the lack of a stimulated state. But what is the reason for the lack of a stimulated state?

There are several possible reasons:

a. One reason can be that you went 'cold turkey' on stimulations, and the brain metabolism/activity fell off a cliff into a very deep ravine bottom state way below a normal sea level state, where it could not climb up without 'help'. Therefore it is never a good idea to go cold turkey on stimulants, and if you do and feel depression coming on, never hesitate to go on stimulants again, and this time phasing the stimulant consumption off more slowly.

b. You consumed depressants, like alcohol, that can also make the brain end up in a depressed state a little too low for it to be able to balance and get up without 'help'.

c. Your social life became less stimulating. This could be that you stopped meeting and making friends with fresh new people (novelty is stimulating). You lost old friends or old friends, being no longer novel, became less stimulating.

d. Your physiological life became less active. You might have done competitive sports that you quit, where both physical activity and a competitive state of mind is stimulating not to mention the feel-good effects of endorphins.

e. You did not have or set up goals to strive for, goals being stimulating. This might have been because you reached some earlier goal, and forgot to set up new ones once you reached the old ones. The stimulating effects of wandering path last longer than those of reaching the destination.

f. You experienced something depressing, like the loss of a loved one, a rejection, which might have thrown your brain into a depressed state where it might need 'help' to climb from.

g. You experienced something isomorphic to having too high expectations of stuff that you had no control over, and you did not realize that the problem was your own expectations, which you can control, and you came to the wrong conclusion that what made you disappointed was something you did not have control over, while what actually made you disappointed was something you do have control over (your own expectations).

As long as you realize that your psychology is just like a computer running software, you can realize that when you start having negative, not life-affirming, thoughts, it is similar to the process of running unwanted software. That is when you can remember to hit that big red cross in the upper right corner and turn off the software, and free more brain-cycles/CPU-cycles to running life affirming software.

Have a good future!

[kiriel]

Hi Nicholas. What you described is certainly on the manic end of the 1-dimensional descriptive tool called depressed-stimulated scale. But that is completely okay! You say that you have been on the other end of the scale for over 10 years, that is not okay imo, as that is not as life affirming as the other.

Now you are experiencing all this stuff you enjoy, you are very stimulated! That is how children are, because they have not made up this thing called self-image, that comes with experience, which can be both positive and negative. Negative as we start to define ourselves by our past, and positive if that past has been life affirming and by chance made us not get stuck in our past definition of ourselves. That is how we can be when we feel we accept (thanks to psycho-therapy or chemicals; they can both have the same effects) that our old self-image is no more real than all the more life affirming possible self-images we can create for ourselves, and realizing that we can define ourselves however we feel like, and that no definition is more real than any other, we can change our definition of who we are and what we can be whenever we feel like it, and this self-image, our definition of who we are has real consequences to the quality of our life, and what is and is not happening in it. It affects our decision making, and our decisions results in real effects that feed back on ourselves. If you keep on doing as you have been doing in the past, then you should not expect experiencing anything else than the same as you have experiencing in the past.

I think part of your 'awakening' is thanks part to the stimulants: Piracetam, Caffeine, Theobromine, Nicotine etc.

The definition of a depressed state, is the lack of a stimulated state. But what is the reason for the lack of a stimulated state?

There are several possible reasons:

a. One reason can be that you went 'cold turkey' on stimulations, and the brain metabolism/activity fell off a cliff into a very deep ravine bottom state way below a normal sea level state, where it could not climb up without 'help'. Therefore it is never a good idea to go cold turkey on stimulants, and if you do and feel depression coming on, never hesitate to go on stimulants again, and this time phasing the stimulant consumption off more slowly.

b. You consumed depressants, like alcohol, that can also make the brain end up in a depressed state a little too low for it to be able to balance and get up without 'help'.

c. Your social life became less stimulating. This could be that you stopped meeting and making friends with fresh new people (novelty is stimulating). You lost old friends or old friends, being no longer novel, became less stimulating.

d. Your physiological life became less active. You might have done competitive sports that you quit, where both physical activity and a competitive state of mind is stimulating not to mention the feel-good effects of endorphins.

e. You did not have or set up goals to strive for, goals being stimulating. This might have been because you reached some earlier goal, and forgot to set up new ones once you reached the old ones. The stimulating effects of wandering path last longer than those of reaching the destination.

f. You experienced something depressing, like the loss of a loved one, a rejection, which might have thrown your brain into a depressed state where it might need 'help' to climb from.

g. You experienced something isomorphic to having too high expectations of stuff that you had no control over, and you did not realize that the problem was your own expectations, which you can control, and you came to the wrong conclusion that what made you disappointed was something you did not have control over, while what actually made you disappointed was something you do have control over (your own expectations).

(If you people can come up with other reasons, please share them with us!)

As long as you realize that your psychology is just like a computer running software, you can realize that when you start having negative, not life-affirming, thoughts, it is similar to the process of running unwanted software. That is when you can remember to hit that big red cross in the upper right corner and turn off the software, and free more brain-cycles/CPU-cycles to running life affirming software.

Have a good future!

Edited by kiriel, 14 April 2008 - 11:56 AM.

[nootrope]

Watch out for the rhodiola. Mania and paranoia have been reported as side-effects in some cases. I'm not familiar with any reports of bacopa causing mania. Some substances are "mood stableizers" (like lithium) and can have both anti-depressant and anti-manic effects. Studies suggest bacopa can lower anxiety, which might mean it has some anti-manic effect. I am bipolar and have taken bacopa without problem for about 4 months. I'm not saying it couldn't be the problem in this case. Obviously that is a lot of supplements. I'd suggest looking out for the rhodiola in particular though (and perhaps the piracetam as well).

[Yearningforyears]

Watch out for the rhodiola. Mania and paranoia have been reported as side-effects in some cases. I'm not familiar with any reports of bacopa causing mania. Some substances are "mood stableizers" (like lithium) and can have both anti-depressant and anti-manic effects. Studies suggest bacopa can lower anxiety, which might mean it has some anti-manic effect. I am bipolar and have taken bacopa without problem for about 4 months. I'm not saying it couldn't be the problem in this case. Obviously that is a lot of supplements. I'd suggest looking out for the rhodiola in particular though (and perhaps the piracetam as well).

The more the merrier!
Yesterday I became "the Djahnman" again. This was after 6 days of 750 mg DMAE daily. Suppose that is what affects me the most of all my supplements(but who really knows).
Some other herbal update things. Yerba mate is nice. Lowers anxiety and boosts energy. Ginkgo biloba lowers my anxiety too and my tinnitus (going on for two years) is gone all of a sudden. I can enjoy music without finding it worsening the tinnitus (or seems to loud although it really isn´t).
Wow I feel so good =) Gonna roll in that sweet mania mud now.
Piracetam is currently on hold. (last time I quit rhodiola my thinking just turned into goo)Everything is in check for the time being. I did spend about 5 dollars on a used video game today. That speaks for itself. I´m manic and on a shopping spree;)